Monday, November 27, 2006

Talk is Cheap

Have you ever made a very big mistake that you are not be able to sleep well and you really wish you were disappeared from the earth? Cos I just did. Two days ago. It was terrible. I did apologize but it seemed that my defensive words came along with the apology. What I did was so stupid and my defensive statement did offend the respondent literally. Oh gosh. I didn't mean to. I swear I didn't.

Back then, when "I'm sorry" is no longer available to be the best phrase to be mentioned, all I can do is crying. Sometimes I really wish if only I could turn back time and fix what was wrong. But then I realize this experience has taught me a lesson; something that I can't learn at school. Yes, experience is the best teacher. Conclusively, my selfishness, ego, and carelessness are great combination to hit me myself right on my face.

If you want to know about how I felt yesterday, let me give you descriptions so that you can figure it out yourself.

3 messages every 15 minutes which explicitly stated I'm sorry, I regret it. No reply.
10 minutes later, I send a message asking whether if I could give a call. Still no reply.
I decided to make a call straight to his mobile phone. It was dialling but no answer. Suddenly user busy popped up on my mobile. My call was rejected.

9 SMS in total, 1 phone call. No reply at all.

I was down. Hopelessly hopeless. I had nobody to help me to get out of this problem. One of my friends encouraged me to keep trying to ask for his mercy, while others just simply said "No worries. Be patient. You shall get over it."

I didn't find what I was looking for. This matter was bugging my sleep. I had insomnia. Thus I prayed in the middle of the night; praying that God would lead the way and told him how much I was sorry for what has happened. I was crying over and over again but since I didn't want to let anyone know, I put eye-cream around my eyes so that they wouldn't get shiner on the following morning.

What I did was wrong. I admit it. I'm sorry. I really am. I regret it. If only I could turn back the time, but we all know it's impossible. Well talk is cheap, hopefully I can keep this thing in mind so that I will never repeat it in the future.

Added later on Wednesday, Nov 29; Thanks a lot guys for your supports! Now let me update you with a good news. He has forgiven me. She has forgiven me too. I am relieved. Thank God.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Flower Power

Three days ago I saw a bunch of red roses neatly wrapped with transparent plastic inside a bucket on the backyard of my house. They were pretty. Later my mom told me that my brother had bought them for his girlfriend. I guessed it was their anniversary. Whatever.

I am an avid flower lover even though I don’t buy it regularly to indulge myself. I love roses (regardless the thorns) and tulips. I love their beautiful various colors. Apparently I received some of them from my boyfriends. They gave me white and pink roses only, since I am a big fan of those two colors. My current boyfriend, Ari, sent me a heart-form bouquet of white-and-pink roses on my birthday last year. I loved it very much! You can see the pictures (pic 3&4) taken from my mobile phone. Please don’t mind the pictures quality.

Sending flowers esp. roses are always related to love and romanticism. It’s an old-school way but still effective till now to express your feeling for someone you love. That’s why every man can be Casanova or Don Juan with little help from florist and Hallmark. But still, it depends on how much money you guys dare to splurge for your ladies. Alternatively nowadays, men choose Hershey’s and Tiffany’s to please their lovers; so sweet yet bankrupting. LOL. What’s so great about Tiffany’s anyway? I haven’t got any; does anyone want to give me so that I can try one? *grin*

Anyways, I found some meanings of roses and tulips from this site just to let you know. I have no idea whether they’re true or not, since the experts can’t agree on the real meaning of many flowers.

ROSE (BRIDAL) : Happy Love
ROSE (DARK CRIMSON) : Mourning
ROSE (PINK) : Perfect Happiness, Please Believe Me, Gentility, Grace
ROSE (DEEP PINK) : Thank you
ROSE (LIGHT PINK) : Admiration
ROSE (ORANGE) : Enthusiasm, Desire
ROSE (RED) : Love, I Love You, Respect, Courage, Simplicity
ROSE (THORNLESS) : Love at First Sight
ROSE (WHITE) : Innocence and Purity, I am Worthy of You, You're Heavenly, Secrecy and Silence, Charm
ROSE (YELLOW) : Decrease of Love, Jealousy, Trying to Care, Friendship, Joy and happiness, Gladness
ROSES (ASSORTED COLOURS) : You're everything to me
ROSES (BOUQUET OF MATURE BLOOMS) : Gratitude
ROSES (SINGLE FULL BLOOM) : I Love You, I Still Love You

TULIP (GENERAL): Perfect Lover, Fame, Flower Emblem of Holland, Love, Passion
TULIP (RED) : Believe Me, Declaration of Love
TULIP (YELLOW) : There's Sunshine in Your Smile, Hopeless Love


My favorites! Yes, white means innocence and purity. I always hope my boyfriend will give me pure love because I’m very worthy and heavenly yet charming, hahaha…